What a Day!

Have you ever walked into a room and found an empty sharpie cap and your toddler nowhere to be found? Have you ever wondered why your child is so quiet, only to find them covered in Vaseline? Have you ever wondered why the toilet is clogged only to realize your toddler flushed a toy, for the second time this week? What a day! So let’s talk about how to respond in times where frustration may want to take over.

Pause

Let's take a breath and walk away…if it’s safe to do so. In situations like these I’m often reminded by one of the children's favorite shows Gracie’s Corner to “take a deep breath whenever you get angry, just take a deep breath”; or Daniel the Tiger reminds me that “when I’m feeling mad and you want to roar, just take a deep breath and count to four.” Can you tell I’m a momma?!

Sometimes the situation is so upsetting that I do have to walk away. The situation’s listed above were all real situations. My two year old, twice in one week flushed multiple toys down the toilet. This resulted in having to call the plumber twice, which meant double the time and money. So what do you do, you walk away and take a breath. When I returned to the situation I knew that I had to get a child lock for the bathroom door and set boundaries with my children.

Set boundaries and consequences

Let’s remember that we are dealing with children. In my case, young children. So, there will be accidents, there will be messes and there will be situations that are frustrating. These are perfect opportunities to set and teach boundaries and consequences. Of course, every consequence and boundary needs to be age appropriate.

Here’s an example:

One afternoon when my three-year-old son was supposed to be taking a nap, I walked into his room to “wake him up” and I found him creating art all over my white walls with a permanent marker. I was so upset that I couldn’t do anything at that moment but take the marker and walk away.

Once I returned, I was able to explain that markers are only used on paper. I had to make sure that I placed all the markers I could find in a place out of his reach (boundary). Then as a consequence, he had to clean the walls with me. Now, was his cleaning up to par and really helpful to me? No, but it was teaching him that when he makes a mess, he has to clean it up. Here are some things to consider when setting a boundary or assigning a consequence:

• Did this situation cause harm or could it cause harm?

• How can I change the outcome of this situation if my child finds themselves in the same circumstance again?

• Is the consequence age appropriate?

• Is this boundary or consequence teaching them what they did was unsafe, harmful or wrong?

• Were your expectations clear?

• Is this a big deal?

• Do they need a consequence or can I cover this situation in love?

• As the parents, are my motives right in giving a consequence? Or am I giving a consequence because I was embarrassed by the situation?

Recover

There will be times when a situation arises and you don’t respond correctly or your child is extremely emotional or embarrassed because they know they crossed a boundary and caused a mess. Once the spilled milk is cleaned up, the Vaseline is washed out of their hair or the marker is cleaned off the walls (and furniture) let’s recover.

Recovering can mean different things. Maybe you need to go to your child and apologize for the way you initially responded. Maybe you need to treat yourself to a coffee or favorite meal during nap time or at the end of the day. Recovery can mean that you and the child need to hug and remind your child that you still love them. Maybe it means that you need to change the mood in the house because it’s tense due to the situation at hand.

Analyze the situation and move accordingly. The situation your child created does not have to ruin the entire day or night. It needs to be dealt with but you do not have to berate the child. Set the boundary, give an appropriate consequence and move on.