Every Momma Is Different

There are all types of mommas. We come in all shapes, sizes and abilities. Some of us come with special needs and disabilities. As I write this blog, I am currently using a cane to assist me in walking. This road of disability is something I could have never imagined when becoming a mother. Having a disability is limiting, frustrating and discouraging. Yet and still it is a place I find myself in and you may find yourself in, but something we can work through together. Let me walk you through this journey and talk about ways that may help you as you live out your specific journey with disabilities.

My Story

When I was born, I was born with a congenital hip condition. This condition caused me to have to wear leg braces for a long time to help correct the issue. Once the braces came off, the issue was said to be fixed and no longer an issue. I would go on to walk and use my legs as normal. Fast forward thirty four years later, I got married and began having children.

After my first child I began having sharp pains in my hip. The pain would come and go and sometimes would be relieved with stretching and anti-inflammatory medication. The pain got worse, it got to a point where I could no longer get on the floor and play with my son. By the time I had decided to see a doctor, I found out that I was expecting my second child.

I’m sure you can imagine that carrying a child and the shift of the hips during pregnancy was not a fun combination. Frustration began to set in. At this point the pain had become so bad that I was limping and needed a cane to walk. Now moms, you understand the issue this presents. I was pregnant, working as a teacher and caring for an 18 month old. Not only did I not understand what was happening to cause my hip to be in such pain but I couldn’t move without pain.

Every movement was painful. Standing up, getting out of bed, getting out of the car, walking up the stairs in my house, walking around my classroom, picking up my child. Anything that required movement was painful. Since I was pregnant, I could not take any pain relievers. Can you feel the discouragement and frustration building? This pain not only affected me physically but mentally. The physical pain coupled with the thoughts of feeling inadequate as a mother because of all the things I couldn’t do, was overwhelming.

After having my daughter, I was able to go to the doctor and figure out what was going on. I saw several specialists. The diagnosis was osteoarthritis in my left hip, with some other issues as well. My hip was bone on bone which was causing the grinding and severe pain. The result was that I needed a hip replacement. At the ripe age of 35 I needed a hip replacement. I couldn’t believe it! At this point, I was ecstatic about getting a diagnosis and a possible plan on relieving this pain through surgery.

Well my feelings of elation were short lived. The current doctor I was seeing basically said they would not perform the surgery because it wasn’t an emergency and I was too young. I was instantly discouraged and deflated. It felt like there was no hope, no end in sight, no light at the end of the tunnel. I literally didn’t know what to do. I called my husband immediately and was just in tears. I was broken. I literally thought I would be on a cane forever. That reality was hard to deal with.

Eight months after having my daughter, I had baby number three. Needless to say, this pregnancy was a struggle. By this time my insurance had changed and I was able to see a doctor of my choice. A friend recommended her orthopedist and he led me to a specialist who would be able to complete the specialized procedure I needed.

Needless to say, two and a half years later, I received the hip replacement and am on the road to full recovery.

My disability is temporary (prayerfully) but yours may be permanent, which is difficult as well. No matter what the case or the cause of your disability, let's talk about ways to help you through this difficult state you are in.

Pray

As I mentioned in a previous post, start with prayer. The Bible says to “…pray without ceasing” (1 Thessalonians 5:17). Prayer is essential, especially when you feel like all hope is lost and you don’t know what to do. Begin here.

Regroup

My thoughts had a huge bearing on my attitude. Yes, I was in pain. Yes, I was on a cane and couldn’t walk unassisted. Yes, I was in a life situation I never thought I would be in. Yes, I did not want to endure this trial. All these things were my reality but yet I was not always thinking on what is true. I was not always seeing what was right in front of me and trying to enjoy life as it was. My husband and three beautiful children were right in front of me. Even though I could not interact with them the way I desired, I could still be fully in the moment instead of feeling “woe is me”.

“You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You.”

‭‭(Isaiah‬ ‭26‬:‭3)‬ Keep your heart and mind rooted in the truth and try to live your life thinking on the positive.

Lean On Your Community

Community is essential! I realize that not everyone has a community they can rely on. If you do not, try to join a local church or reach out to a local mom group. My community came through in various ways. Many people over the course of these two-three years sent meals, outsourced some of my household chores, came to my house to do my hair, prayed for me, stayed with me during recovery, hung out with my children and so much more.

If you have a reliable community, these are some things you may be able to suggest when someone asks what they can do for you. Do not be afraid to ask for help. Many times I did not even have to ask, people just did what they wanted to do out of the goodness of their heart and I will always be grateful.

Encouragement

Life is filled with trials and tribulations. As long as you are living, you will not be able to avoid difficult times in your life. How we respond is completely within our control. Disabilities are rough and my heart is with you as you walk through this season of life, but as always remember that YOU GOT THIS!